under the covers with niki: good sex

{This is our fifth post for our feature, "Under the Covers with Niki." You can read about sex therapy and see other posts here.}

How do I know if I am having good sex?

There is no such thing as doing it wrong, but everyone has their own preferences! The key to having good sex is knowing yourself. If you don’t know what you like then it is difficult to have “good” (satisfying) sex. So for many of us this means practice! Practice with your partner, if you are comfortable enough to experiment, or masturbate on your own. It is important to take note of the type of touch you like (hard, soft, fast, etc.) and where you like to be touched. Remember, touch does not have to be restricted only to the genitals!

The next hurtle to having good sex is communicating your likes with your partner. Now, I know what you are thinking--they will think I am criticizing them! However, there are many ways you can express your needs and desires to your partner without criticizing them. First, you model what you like. After all, the way you touch your partner is the way that you also like to be touched. If you are hesitant to talk about your likes/dislikes then subtly encourage your partner by making simple statements: “I really like when you (fill in the blank).” It is much more encouraging to state your likes rather than bark your dislikes.

Lastly, I think it is important to recognize that “good” sex doesn't always mean orgasm. Sex is suppose to be fun, so don’t over think it and don’t become too focused on orgasm. If you are enjoying yourself and having fun then you are having good sex!

{image via here}

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