American Pie

I am a bad person. Either that, or I am just crazy.

But seriously, I blame the Boyfriend.

And I can tell you what happened because he doesn't read my blog.

This all started about a week ago. The BF emailed me at work to say that a slice of apple pie was in our fridge - wait, no that's not accurate - a HUMONGOUS HOME-MADE slice of apple pie was in our fridge and not to be touched. One of the ladies at work had made it for his grandfather and he was going to have to go drop it off.

But until then, it was to sit there, taunting me. 

I have no will power. The only reason I am not 500 pounds is because I try and stock my house with healthy snacks like almonds and dried apricots and don't buy the bad stuff.*

Apple pie is my ultimate weakness. I can eat a whole pie in one sitting. And no I don't want to water it down with ice cream. Apple pie is like the cheese to my macaroni as Juno would say.** But, I let the slice of pie be.

Today, I came home to find a whole apple pie sitting on the counter. The BF had informed me that the same sweet lady*** from work made it for the BF, his grandfather, and me to have for Thanksgiving. OK this is plain mean. I have to wait two whole days!

But it had a crumbled topping. And when it comes to food I never give up. If I learned to pick a lock at the age of ten I can surely eat some of the pie without anyone knowing.

So I took a fork and lifted a little piece of crumble and then lifted a piece of apple with the crumble and pulled out a piece of apple and put it in my mouth.**** Ahhh!  SOO GOOD! FOODGASM! It took everything in me not eat more and more.

I put the crumble back down and patted it in place. It was absolutely not noticeable. And then I started to feel guilty. 

So I needed to vent but I couldn't tell the BF. Thanks for listening. Have a Happy Thanksgiving!

* For the Death by Chocolate I made last week, I needed Skor bars. I knew I would be making this a few times over the next couple of weeks for different things so I went to Sam's to get a huge box of them. Because I have no will power, the box is wrapped in packing tape.

** Ahhhhh! Macaroni and cheese!

***I swear she and the Boyfriend are conspiring against me

**** That's what she said!


  1. what were you on when you wrote this? the footnotes are exploding with emotions!

    also, this reminds me of that time you came home from the door and accused me of eating your apple pie. ME?? the one person in the world who doesn't like pie! you can be a real jerkface sometimes.

  2. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, i am obsessed with this story/entry.

    it is hilarious, because i can literally imagine it all playing out, blow by blow, in my head.


Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.